An updated version of the Kingsian rules is available as of 2012: Here.
The players sit in a circle of sufficient circumference to allow each player to easily see all others. The list of words that may be used is finite and well-defined.
The game is started by one player reciting all the words that will be in play for the current game (this is called the "preamble") followed by one word from the list that begins a conversation. At any given time, it is exactly one player's turn to speak. The conversation continues until a player speaks out of turn, uses an illegal word, or violates the rules associated with the word spoken. This player (or players, should multiple fouls occur) must drink, and is then responsible for restarting the game. It may seem that very little drinking will go on in such a game. Try it.
There are two kinds of active conversations in ZSP: a two-player and a three-player conversation. A two-player conversation may be called a "zoom", and the players are said to be "in a zoom". A three-player conversation is usually called a "volvo", and the players are said to be "in a volvo". Which kind of conversation is active changes the meaning of some words. There is only one active conversation at a time: any word that creates a new conversation also terminates the previous one. Often some players from the terminated conversation remain in the new one. These players are said to be "inherited".
Verbal: Zoom rhymes with room.
Visual: The speaker must look at the player spoken to.
Semantic: ZOOM is one of the most basic words in ZSP. Many other words
are said to possess an "implied zoom function". Its function is to put
the speaker and the player spoken to into a two-player conversation.
The zoomed player is always made part of the active conversation, this
conversation always includes the zoomer, and it is always then the
zoomed player's turn to speak. There is one simple rule governing the
word ZOOM: it is a foul to zoom any player who is already in the active
conversation. During a three-way conversation, ZOOM effectively
terminates the current conversation and opens a new two-player
conversation between the zoomer and the zoomed.
Logical Equivalent: "Let's talk"
Verbal: Schwartz rhymes with quartz. There is no vowel sound bewteen
the SCH and the W: shwarts not sha-warts. "Shorts" is a foul.
Visual: The speaker must look at the player spoken to.
Semantic: SCHWARTZ, like ZOOM, is a base word. Many other words
function exactly like SCHWARTZ. It is a simple word. It means that the
conversation continues unchanged in shape or status, with the schwartzed
player now being obliged to speak. There is one simple rule governing
SCHWARTZ: you must be in conversation with the player schwartzed. If
you are not, it is a foul.
Logical Equivalent: "OK"
Verbal: Profigliano has five syllables: pro-fig-lee-ah-no, per-fig-lee-ah-no.
Visual: The speaker must look at a player OTHER than the one to whom
they are speaking. Semantic: PROFIGLIANO is a SCHWARTZ word. That is,
it has the exact same function as SCHWARTZ, with the subtle but
devastating difference that the the player the profiglianoer looks at is
NOT the player to whom they are speaking. This is the first, simple
rule governing PROFIGLIANO: you may not look at the player to whom you
are speaking. The player to whom you are speaking (but not looking at)
is in exactly the same position that would result had you schwartzed
them. In a two-player conversation, the player to whom the profiglianer
is speaking is clear: there is only one player they could possibly be
addressing. In a three-player conversation, there MAY BE no such
clarity. In the case where the player LOOKED AT at is outside the
three-player conversation, it is assumed that the player in the
conversation to most recently speak is the addressee of the PROFIGLIANO.
In the case where the player LOOKED AT is part of the three-player
conversation, it is implicit that the OTHER player is the addressee.
This "player to most recently speak" rule is used for many other words
which, like PROFIGLIANO, do not always make clear which player is being
addressed. However, there are words that remove the speaker from the
conversation. Following such a word, if PROFIGLIANO (or a similar word)
is used, it is assumed that the addressee is the remaining active
player, not the "last to speak".
Logical Equivalent: "Look!"
Verbal: Like Boy-Ink as one syllable.
Visual: The speaker must look down at their lap or their feet.
Semantic: BOINK is another SCHWARTZ word. Like PROFIGLIANO, the player
addressed is not always made clear by the visual component. The same
rules as PROFIGLIANO apply. Note that a head movement, dropping the
chin to the chest, is required to fulfill the visual requirement. You
can't look at your lap by having you head level and just looking
downward. You must look at your lap.
Logical Equivalent: "Whatever".
Verbal: Bell-veh-deer
Visual: The speaker must look directly upward.
Semantic: BELVIDERE is a ZOOM word. The meaning of BELVIDERE is to zoom
the player to the speaker's left. Thus BELVIDERE has the "implied zoom
function" mentioned earlier. It is important to note that this "implied
zoom" does not carry the same prohibitions as ZOOM. That is, it is legal
to belvidere when the player to your left is already in the active
conversation (in which case it acts as a SCHWARTZ to that player).
BELVIDERE changes meaning slightly when used by a player in a
three-player conversation: in this case the player in the conversation
who is the first to the speaker's left is the addressee, and therefore a
BELVIDERE inside a three-player conversation is always equivalent to a
SCHWARTZ.
Logical Equivalent: "Hey, you on my left!"
Verbal: Like Beep-Beep, but with Ms.
Visual: The speaker must look at the player spoken to.
Semantic: MEEP-MEEP is unique. Its meaning is to drop the speaker from
the active conversation. The player spoken to must be part of the
active conversation. Aside from the fact that the speaker has retired
from the conversation, the player spoken to has, in effect, been
schwartzed. In two-player conversations the one remaining player is
obliged to ZOOM (implied or otherwise) someone. In a three-player
conversation, MEEP-MEEP results in a two-player conversation between the
remaining players. Note that the "implied schwartz function" means that
the player meep-meeped must now speak.
Logical Equivalent: "Bye now"
Verbal: Quaffle rhymes with waffle. Kwaf-ful.
Visual: The speaker must look at the player spoken to.
Semantic: QUAFFLE is one of a few words in ZSP that can be interpreted
as a question. Its meaning is to require the quaffled player to repeat
the word used immediately before the QUAFFLE. QUAFFLE has an "implied
zoom function". That is, the quaffled player (if not already in the
active conversation) has also been effectively zoomed. Unlike
BELVIDERE, a QUAFFLE to a player outside a three-player conversation
terminates the three-player conversation and establishes a two-player
conversation (perhaps very briefly). It should be noted that while the
word must be repeated, the target of the word may be changed (in some
cases, like ZOOM, it must be) assuming it is legal to do so. See the
word FLESH for special cases.
Logical Equivalent: "What just
happened?"
Verbal: Hedge rhymes with wedge. Use a dictionary.
Visual: The speaker may look anywhere, or even close their eyes.
Semantic: HEDGE is the equivalent of BELVIDERE, except that the player
to the right of the speaker is zoomed. It has the same "implied zoom
function" and the same modification when used in a three-player
conversation.
Logical Equivalent: "Hey, you on my right!"
Verbal: Wembley has two syllables: wem-blee
Visual: The speaker must look at the player spoken to.
Semantic: WEMBLEY is a complex word that can be largely, but not
entirely, described as a combination of MEEP-MEEP and ZOOM. Like
MEEP-MEEP, the speaker retires from the conversation. Like ZOOM, the
player spoken to is made part of the conversation. WEMBLEY can only to
spoken when the speaker is in conversation with at least one other
player. The wembleyer retires from that conversation, and is in effect
replaced in that conversation by the player spoken to. Any three-player
conversation is "collapsed" by WEMBLEY, resulting in a two-player
conversation. This conversation is between the wembleyed player and the
"inherited" player, who is determined as follows: for a WEMBLEY from a
two-player conversation, it is obviously the one remaining player. For
a WEMBLEY from a three-player conversation to someone outside the
conversation, it is the remaining player to most recently speak. For a
WEMBLEY inside a three-player conversation, the "collapse" obviously
leaves the wembleyed player and the one other remaining player. Note
that a WEMBLEY inside a two-player conversation is a foul. In any
event, it is the wembleyed player's turn to speak and they are required
to use a word that gives the next turn to speak to their partner in the
current conversation. That is, they cannot zoom into a new conversation
immediately, but must use a word addressed to the player in the active
conversation. This prohibition would include any word with an "implied
zoom function" that denies that player the next turn.
Logical Equivalent: "YOU talk to 'em"
Verbal: Xavier has three syllables: eks-zav-yer
Visual: The speaker must look at a player OTHER than the one to whom they are speaking.
Semantic: XAVIER is very much like WEMBLEY, with one crucial difference.
Like WEMBLEY, the player LOOKED AT is made part of the current
conversation, the speaker retires from the conversation and is replaced
by the player LOOKED AT. But with XAVIER the addressed player is not the
player looked at, but like PROFIGLIANO is a player already in the
conversation. Again, any three-player conversation is "collapsed". It
is the addressed player's turn to speak, and like WEMBLEY there are
restrictions placed on the words they may use. They are required to use
a word that gives the next turn to speak to the player LOOKED AT during
the XAVIER. From a three-player conversation, the same rules for
determining the inherited player apply as for WEMBLEY. That is, an
XAVIER to someone outside the conversation means that the remaining
player to most recently speak is the addressee. Inside a three-player
conversation, the two remaining players are the xaviered player and the
addressee. See ADOLPH for example cases of inheritance.
Logical Equivalent: "Talk to that person instead"
Verbal: Flesh rhymes with mesh.
Visual: The speaker must look at the player spoken to.
Semantic: FLESH is a unique word, similar to QUAFFLE and having
implications for the response to QUAFFLE. Like QUAFFLE, it has an
"implied zoom function" when addressed to a player outside the active
conversation, terminating the current conversation. Like QUAFFLE, it
forces the fleshed player to respond in a certain way, which is: the
fleshed player must look at someone with whom they are in conversation
and say exactly one word, any word, that is in play for the current
game. Any word, in response to FLESH, always means SCHWARTZ. The usual
meaning and visual requirements of the chosen word are not in effect:
the meaning of the chosen word is SCHWARTZ and the visual requirement is
the same as SCHWARTZ. This suspension of the normal meaning and visual
requirement is in effect only for this response to FLESH. There is one
exception to this: if after the FLESH, the player "schwartzed" in
response then says QUAFFLE, the quaffled player must respond with the
same word as was chosen in response to the FLESH, and must use it as it
was used: it means SCHWARTZ. The meaning of QUAFFLE is consistent - the
quaffled player must repeat the last word spoken - the point is that
what must be repeated is not only the word spoken, but also the meaning
the word had when it was spoken.
Logical Equivalent: "Mention a word"
There is a long-standing tradition (though scoffed at by purists) to
include an option word in the preamble, called "F-OLOGIST". If included
in the preamble it MUST be inserted after FLESH and before VOLVO. The
preambling player has the right to include or skip this word. If
skipped, the word is not in play for the current game. A short but
memorable phrase must also be agreed upon.
Verbal: Actually pronounced kind of something like "Fuckologist".
Visual: The speaker must look at the player spoken to.
Semantic: F-OLOGIST is certainly a very unique word. It has the
"implied zoom function", exactly like QUAFFLE or FLESH. Its meaning is
to require some, or all of the players in the game (not necessarily in
the active conversation) to raise their beer and say the agreed upon
phrase. The f-ologisted player has the next turn to speak. The rules
of who must say the phrase are as follows: If the f-ologisted player is
part of a three-player conversation, only those players in that
conversation are included. If not, everyone is included. Any player
not included who says the phrase or any part of it has fouled, and any
player included who fails to say the phrase has fouled. Note that an
F-OLOGIST in response to FLESH is not an F-OLOGIST at all, nor is any
repetition of the "fleshed" F-OLOGIST by QUAFFLE. However, the
repetition of a normal F-OLOGIST by QUAFFLE is an F-OLOGIST. Raising
one's beer but remaining silent in an attempt to get others to foul is
legal. Saying the phrase in a side conversation is a foul. Close
attention should be paid to laggards who wait until the phrase is
started before joining in. Ideally, the phrase should be chanted in
unison.
Mispronunciation: The words should be stated clearly and correctly.
Allowances should be made for regional accents. How closely to call
pronunciation is a matter of taste, but it is always stricter for the
preamble. Multiple syllables cannot be separated by more than the
briefest pause. Vowels count. Intonation and accenting are up to the
speaker: "PRO-fig-lia-no", "pro-FIG-lia-no" and "profigliano?" are all
legal.
Incorrect or inadequate visual component: The visual component must be
applied for the entire pronunciation of the word. The eyes cannot start
the word on one player and end somewhere else, or vice-versa. Depending
on the seating, a head movement may need to be added to that of the eyes
to make clear who or what is being looked at. It is the responsibility
of the speaker to make sure that it is possible for all players to
discern where they are looking. This certainly does not prohibit the
zooming of someone who has turned away from the speaker. Each player is
also responsible for paying attention and knowing who to watch. ZSP is
a gentleman's game. A legal BOINK requires a head motion downward to
address one's lap. It is tempting to shoot off an XAVIER while the
boinker is in this vulnerable position, but it is expected that the
boinker will be given a chance to bring their head to a neutral postion
before the next word is spoken. Again, it is the boinker's
responsibility to do this quickly, without breaking the pace of the
conversation. There is no obligation to allow for the severe
disorientation that results from drinking heavily, then rapidly moving
one's head.
Illegal words: These are usually obvious to anyone familiar with the
rules. The most common subtle errors are the failure to comply with the
addressing restrictions for WEMBLEY and XAVIER, and to repeat the
"schwartz" function of a fleshed word. One point to be made is that
only the first foul of a "cascading" set of fouls is called. For
example, if a wembleyed player illegally zooms someone, the fact that
the zoomed player responds is not a foul, nor is it a foul for the
player who had to be addressed to speak anyway. Only the illegal ZOOM
is called.
Out of turn: This is usually manifested by two players speaking at once.
If the proper player's word was intelligible and there is no doubt as to
who fouled, play may continue if the general flow is not broken and all
players allow. This category includes fouls by players who use a
preamble word in a side (non-ZSP) conversation, in this case it is hoped
that the game can continue. In the case where one player speaks, but is
out-of-turn, there is no foul charged to the player who should have
spoken, unless an unacceptably long silence preceded the out-of-turn
foul.
Silence: This is the opposite of out-of-turn, the failure to speak in
turn. A conversation usually has a discernable "pace" and players are
expected not to break it. Allowances should be made for inexperienced
players, but not too much. Although this is a judgement call,
experienced players say "you know silence when you hear it."
Interference: Once the game has started, quiet informal side (non-ZSP)
conversations are permitted (if unwise). If any such conversation
interferes with play, it is a foul. Also, any physical interference
during play or the preamble is a foul.
The first is the "head fake". It will be noted that players tend to
follow the conversation, keeping their eyes on the player whose turn it
is to speak. A ZSP game will often resemble a tennis match. To "head
fake" is to look at a player, eyebrows raised in anticipation of their
speaking, in an attempt to convince them it is their turn to speak. The
second is the "feint", where a player leans forward, draws breath, opens
their mouth... and remains silent. Responding to a head fake with a
feint often causes players to miss their turn. There are also a number
of combinations of words that are known to strike fear into the hearts
of even the most experienced players, such as the aforementioned
VOLVO-ADOLPH.
Another is the FLESH-QUAFFLE-QUAFFLE. Either WEMBLEY or XAVIER from
inside a volvo is a killer. Please, please refrain from trying these
out until you know what you're doing. There are many traditions
associated with ZSP. First and foremost is that it is a gentleman's
game, and players are expected to acknowledge fouls without prompting.
MEEP-MEEP is meant to be used sparingly, and in cases of need. Like the
bathroom or a fresh beer. Overuse of MEEP-MEEP should be met with
merciless zooming. BELVIDERE and HEDGE have produced the tradition of
swapping seats between or even during rounds.
Verbal: Volvo, like the car. "Vovlo" is a foul.
Visual: The speaker must look at the player spoken to.
Semantic: Thus far there has been much discussion of three-player
conversations, but no words that create such conversations. VOLVO is
the first such word. VOLVO is similar to WEMBLEY, with the difference
that the speaker does not retire from the conversation, but remains to
form a three-player conversation. Therefore, in order to use VOLVO the
speaker must already be in conversation with at least one other player.
The player volvoed must be outside the active conversation. It is the
volvoed player's turn to speak, but unlike WEMBLEY, there are no
restrictions as to who may be addressed. When volvoing from a
two-player conversation to a three-player conversation, the players
involved are clear. When volvoing from an existing three-player
conversation, the player to speak immediately before the volvoer remains
in the new conversation with the volvoer and the volvoed player, while
the other player is dropped. See ADOLPH for some subtle implictions of
the "inheritance rules". Logical Equivalent: "Join us"
Logical Equivalent: "Next word!"
Verbal: Chan as in Charlie Chan.
Visual: The speaker must look at the player spoken to.
Semantic: ZSP is a gentleman's game. CHAN exists solely to provide,
within the rules, a countermeasure for ungentlemanly play. For this
reason, it is often omitted from the preamble. It may have been noted
that the words QUAFFLE, FLESH, and COUNTER allow a player to monopolize
the conversation. A player can, having been schwartzed, say QUAFFLE,
forcing the response SCHWARTZ and then repeatedly say QUAFFLE on their
turn. Likewise with FLESH and COUNTER. If any player uses QUAFFLE,
FLESH, COUNTER, or any combination of these words for four or more
consecutive turns as described above, each player addressed by the
fourth or greater instance has the option to respond with CHAN. This is
the only case when CHAN can be used (except as a response to COUNTER or
a normal FLESH, but see below). CHAN requires the channed player to use
a word other than QUAFFLE or FLESH in response. Note that it is not a
foul to say CHAN is response to a first, second or third FLESH, but the
CHAN only has the ability of CHAN to break the player's hold on the game
when used as the fourth or subsequent response. It is expected, but not
a rule, that any player who is channed will drink out of shame.
Logical Equivalent: "Cut it out!"
THE PREAMBLE
A game of ZSP begins with the preamble. At the beginning of the
session, it is customary for the least experienced player to start the
first game. If all players are equally experienced, it is the last to
arrive. Any mutually agreeable method may be used to select the first
player to preamble. Thereafter, it is the player whose foul ended the
previous game who must preamble. In the case of multiple fouls, a
player who spoke out of turn has precedence over one who fouled on their
turn. There are many rules covering the preamble, as well as many
traditions. It is traditional, but not required, that the preamble be
introduced with a phrase that gives warning that the preamble is about
to begin. The most common is "The name of the game is...". The
preamble itself is a recitation of all the words in the game. The words
must be given in a very definite order. Other words may not interrupt
the order, nor may any word be repeated. The list may be ended and the
game started anywhere after the third word. In this case only the words
included are in play for the current game. The use of a word not in
play is a foul. The order the words must be given in is: Zoom Schwartz
Profigliano Boink Belvidere Meep-Meep Quaffle Hedge Wembley Xavier Flesh
F-ologist Volvo Adolph Counter Chan One very important rule is that once
a player has said "Zoom, Schwartz, Profigliano..." the preamble has been
started and must be completed within the rules and a game begun. Even a
non-fouling player MUST complete the preamble and start a game if they
have said these three words, in order, with no intervening words. To
fail to do so is a foul. Note that the words must be correctly
pronounced, but the visual component is not required. Please note that
any reference to written material by the preambler is prohibited. It
should be pointed out that while a player is preambling, it is
traditional for the other players to attempt to distract them (verbally)
and cause a foul. While the preamble is underway, the other players may
say words from the preamble, but once it is completed and the game is
started, using these words is an out-of-turn foul. But should any of
the heckling players be foolish enough to say the first three words in
order, they have started a second preamble, which is a foul. Pausing
between words is allowed, but vocalizations like "um" or "er" or
laughter are fouls. Once the preamble has been completed, the player
must then use a word to start the game. Depending on how many words
were included the possible words are: Zoom, Belvidere, Hedge, Flesh,
F-ologist and Counter.
CALLING FOULS
Fouls are often blatant, sometimes subtle. Any player can call a foul.
If the majority of players agree that the foul was committed, the player
called must drink. If not, the caller(s) drinks. How much? ZSP is a
gentleman's game, and the rule of thumb is "a healthy swig". At times,
especially for an out-of-turn foul, it may be possible for the game to
continue while the fouler drinks. Fouls generally fall into the
following categories:
LEARNING THE GAME
It is wise to introduce new players to the game slowly. At first, use
only the first three words until everyone gets the general feel of play.
Then add BOINK, BELVIDERE and MEEP-MEEP. Add more words as the session
progresses, and USE them. By the end of a few hours, everyone should be
able to play with the full preamble. Be sure to explain each word
clearly and completely. Provide examples. Then prey upon the weak, or
they will never learn. A note on strategy: experienced players know
that planning ahead is unwise. "To plan is to drink", they will say.
It is better to go with the flow and react. It is difficult to get
someone else in trouble without placing yourself at risk, but fun to
try. Experienced players can often be spotted by their habit of leaning
as far back in their chairs as they can, in order to see as much of the
conversation as possible without turning their heads. In times of high
stress, like rotating VOLVO-ADOLPH combinations, they may use their
hands to keep track of inherited players. There are two very common
ploys to draw fouls.